I felt like everything that was inside of me was beginning to bottle up, consuming my life and thoughts and it felt as if I would explode if I didn’t let it out. The pain and the trauma of these challenging circumstances that happened all at once in my life were hovering over me like a dark cloud. I continued to mull over each detail and try to make sense of it all. In outward appearances, I was actively trying to dig myself out of financial duress, find a more stable job and understand how to heal myself physically from the complications from the stress. But in the back of my mind, I would constantly contemplate all that had happened and why. I couldn’t get over the fact that so much crashed down on top of me. I felt like there was something much bigger at play than just an ironic 5-year reign of very bad luck. I knew this was leading me somewhere but I wasn’t sure what it was or how to make it stop. I knew there was so much more I would need to experience and process before I could piece it all together. Which was frustrating, to say the least — I wanted to be at the end and start moving forward, out of it all.
However, during the time I was forced to wait it out, the knowledge I would begin to gain was profound. One day, a switch flipped and I was able to see the world in a completely different light. Instead of seeing myself as a victim of what others had done to me, like my husband or the crappy job circumstances I kept falling into, I saw that there was a deeper context at play and I was merely playing a role throughout the process. As I began to come up for air and see beyond my own struggles, I started to observe that others were having similar circumstances and they were in the thick of it, just like I was. Or worse, they were taking the first step off the ledge into this challenging phase and didn’t even see what was coming.
So I started to write. And boy, it came flooding out of me like the gates had been opened. It flowed so freely, and at times right along with the tears. What a beautiful release it was and so freeing to let it flow. Along with this process, came with the gratitude for the journey I had just endured. The gratitude for insight, and the ability to help others. Gratitude for the ability to share the knowledge I have gleaned to help others get through their own challenging periods in life. Gratitude to be a part of their journey so they could begin to forge their own path. A path with a little less destruction and much more insight than I had.
It is funny, I have always had an inclination to write. Due to my ‘aptitude’ for socializing and not focusing on my studies, I had to take remedial math upon my entry to junior college. But writing came naturally. I had been able to bypass a few English classes due to how easy it was for me. I had always had a fond love of words and how they could express the perfect emotion to any situation. It was the closest I could get someone into my own thoughts. I had been told more times than I could count that I should write a book but I would laugh at the thought of doing so. Who am I to write a book? What the heck am I going to write about? Just regurgitating the information I am learning in books? That is crazy – that is what the other books are for!
It’s not as if I was seeking to write. I already had plenty of things on my plate to manage by being a new mom, working full time as well as trying to shift my life and career into something that inspired my heart. This was no easy feat, that is for sure! Then one day I started to get the nudge, and as with all things that are divinely guided, the synchronicities started. More people began giving me comments that I should write. While I didn’t even know how to begin, I find it incredibly interesting how people, who didn’t even know I was writing a book, would connect with me and would randomly provide me with the very resources I needed to take each step. The power of divine synchronicity. It was quite magical. Resources and people began to show up in my life. This gave me the breadcrumbs to help me start such an intimidating project. Following that guidance, the process became effortless and exciting, even rewarding.
However, the ultimate purpose to my writing and what will continue to drive me is the love and empathy that I have for my peers and those who are struggling with these challenging life issues. In writing, I have been able to gain even further insight and see connections I hadn’t been able to piece together in my mind.
The bigger picture becomes much clearer on why we experience these struggles. It is not to make our life miserable, but to shift them out of a place that doesn’t serve us, mentally, physically and/or spiritually. I genuinely believe that there is a higher meaning to these challenges and we are to use them for our benefit, not to ever hold us back. I am not saying the journey will be easy, because it pushes us to expand out of our comfort zone and sometimes in extreme cases. There is a meme that says, “I had to make you uncomfortable, or else you would have never moved — Universe”, which is just so true.
If we can change or perspective to see life this way, it really helps adjust to these changes, changing our entire life along with it. And once you are on the other side, you will see why. You will see a new life emerge that you couldn’t see while you were stuck in the thick of it. You will find yourself in a new life that is so complimentary and inspiring to what suits you perfectly.
Believe it or not, you will also find gratitude to bless the people, the situations and the destructive, broken road. The people and the path that played its role in bringing you, or rather challenging you, to become this, new, more powerful version of yourself. By your having the courage to step up to the plate to let go of what was not working in order to activate and create the life that was waiting to surface. You will be rewarded with a much more fulfilling life than you could ever have imagined.
Written by the author of Mid Life Rising, Tracy Szelest